Every Goal is about Feeling Better

People come to coaching with some kind of goal or intention, whether or not they are aware of it to begin with. Goals can be grouped into three types: past, present and future, but no matter what the orientation in time, every goal has one thing in common: the desire to feel better: whether that means losing bad feelings or gaining more good ones.

Feeling better means feeling happier, more connected, more joyful and more able to make the contribution we know we have in us to make, whether for ourselves alone or for for the benefit of others too. It is a constant human desire that never leaves us even when we feel so low that it’s difficult to find the desire to fulfil its call.

‘Present’ goals are relatively straightforward to achieve: they are usually geared towards solving a tangible problem or fulfilling a task. This can involve clarifying values, understanding motivation, anchoring commitment or simply creating a timed specific plan for achieving results. ‘Present’ goals are easily achievable if there is a clear view of current reality which is free of mental or emotional debris from the past.

Clearing up the Past

That brings us to the second type of ‘goal’ which may be less obvious on the surface: that of identifying and removing deeply-held unconscious and negative belief patterns whose roots are in the past.


Negative thought patterns often show up as difficult feelings:   (‘I’m fed up with feeling anxious/stuck/fearful/angry…….. and it stops me from moving forward’). These goals are about clearing up the past in order to free up some space in the now.

Liken this process to de-cluttering a room before decorating it: you can’t start the work until you’ve made some trips to the tip and charity shop, taken down the curtains you’ve hated for three years or ripped up the old carpet first…… well, you know what I mean  🙂 …  old, stuck energy just takes up the space needed for action in the present.

In this instance, a tool such as Theta Healing can help shift negative feelings very effectively, quickly creating a clearer, more relaxed, decisive and insightful frame of mind. Sometimes this work alone can be enough to help someone feel much better, since clearing difficult emotions and thoughts improves the self-image, restores self-esteem and allows natural self-confidence to emerge again.

Creating Your Future Now.

‘Future’ goals have a different feeling and may seem like out of reach pipe-dreams in the life we are currently living: but a ‘call’ from somewhere inside of us dares us to want something more than our current  belief  system allows us to have.

In his book ‘Harmony of Wealth’, writer and teacher James Arthur Ray describes the feeling of this type of goal as a ‘future pull’. We know the difference between something we just need to do in order to make our lives work better and some inner pull to achieve a dream that makes us take action in spite of our ‘normal’ selves.

Future orientated or spiritually motivated goals are not easy, as they force us to create new habits, confronting and messing up our comfort zones, making us wake up to our true individuality and what we sense we are here to do. They can force us to question everything that has seemed certain about our lives. Listening to this inner pull and following it can evoke every feeling imaginable from excitement and anticipation through anxiety and even fear to eventual relief, joy and fulfilment.

Dream goals force us to change.

What we can be sure of is that eventually such a goal gives new shape, form and meaning to our life, gradually or suddenly changing everything we have known previously. We have no idea of what we are doing at first or what the rules of the game are and this forces us to grow beyond our old self. But the personal growth along the way, whilst often uncomfortable at the time it’s happening, is as important as the destination itself.

‘’You don’t randomly get a desire unless you also have the ability to make it happen’’ says James Ray

But how can we achieve what currently seems impossible even though we are ‘vibrationally pulled’ to do so ? Whilst our feelings stay true to the goal, our beliefs and emotions can take us through every conceivable loop from anxiety and frustration to fear and then relief and eventual joy. We must learn to cut a path through the difficult emotions and accept them as part of the territory that leads towards fulfilment.

The answer seems to lie in changing our orientation from looking for answers outside of ourselves and beginning instead to look for and listen to the voice of the inner self. The in- tuition (inner teacher) that helps  if we can allow it space and time to be sensed and heard.


Learning to allow, hear and eventually trust this ‘inner voice’ is how we begin to sense how to reach our destination but to get there we may need to give up some of the old ways of doing things and allow a new order to emerge that guides us, sometimes baby step by baby step, to where we want to be.

If you would like help in identifying your true goals and dreams, or finding your way through ‘unfamiliar territory’, then consider coaching as a safe and supported way to interpreting your feelings and where they are trying to guide you to.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s